1 And the LORD spake unto Moses and to Aaron, saying unto them,Somehow, generations came and went — including ol' Noah, who had to tell all the clean beasts in the world from the unclean ones — without knowing which food was fit to eat.
2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, These are the beasts which ye shall eat among all the beasts that are on the earth.
3 Whatsoever parteth the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud, among the beasts, that shall ye eat.
4 Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof: as the camel, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.
5 And the coney, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.
6 And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.
7 And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.
8 Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.
9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
13 And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls; they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray,
14 And the vulture, and the kite after his kind;
15 Every raven after his kind;
16 And the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind,
17 And the little owl, and the cormorant, and the great owl,
18 And the swan, and the pelican, and the gier eagle,
19 And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.
20 All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.
21 Yet these may ye eat of every flying creeping thing that goeth upon all four, which have legs above their feet, to leap withal upon the earth;
22 Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind.
23 But all other flying creeping things, which have four feet, shall be an abomination unto you.
24 And for these ye shall be unclean: whosoever toucheth the carcase of them shall be unclean until the even.
25 And whosoever beareth ought of the carcase of them shall wash his clothes, and be unclean until the even.
26 The carcases of every beast which divideth the hoof, and is not clovenfooted, nor cheweth the cud, are unclean unto you: every one that toucheth them shall be unclean.
27 And whatsoever goeth upon his paws, among all manner of beasts that go on all four, those are unclean unto you: whoso toucheth their carcase shall be unclean until the even.
28 And he that beareth the carcase of them shall wash his clothes, and be unclean until the even: they are unclean unto you.
29 These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the earth; the weasel, and the mouse, and the tortoise after his kind,
30 And the ferret, and the chameleon, and the lizard, and the snail, and the mole.
31 These are unclean to you among all that creep: whosoever doth touch them, when they be dead, shall be unclean until the even.
32 And upon whatsoever any of them, when they are dead, doth fall, it shall be unclean; whether it be any vessel of wood, or raiment, or skin, or sack, whatsoever vessel it be, wherein any work is done, it must be put into water, and it shall be unclean until the even; so it shall be cleansed.
33 And every earthen vessel, whereinto any of them falleth, whatsoever is in it shall be unclean; and ye shall break it.
34 Of all meat which may be eaten, that on which such water cometh shall be unclean: and all drink that may be drunk in every such vessel shall be unclean.
35 And every thing whereupon any part of their carcase falleth shall be unclean; whether it be oven, or ranges for pots, they shall be broken down: for they are unclean and shall be unclean unto you.
36 Nevertheless a fountain or pit, wherein there is plenty of water, shall be clean: but that which toucheth their carcase shall be unclean.
37 And if any part of their carcase fall upon any sowing seed which is to be sown, it shall be clean.
38 But if any water be put upon the seed, and any part of their carcase fall thereon, it shall be unclean unto you.
39 And if any beast, of which ye may eat, die; he that toucheth the carcase thereof shall be unclean until the even.
40 And he that eateth of the carcase of it shall wash his clothes, and be unclean until the even: he also that beareth the carcase of it shall wash his clothes, and be unclean until the even.
41 And every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth shall be an abomination; it shall not be eaten.
42 Whatsoever goeth upon the belly, and whatsoever goeth upon all four, or whatsoever hath more feet among all creeping things that creep upon the earth, them ye shall not eat; for they are an abomination.
43 Ye shall not make yourselves abominable with any creeping thing that creepeth, neither shall ye make yourselves unclean with them, that ye should be defiled thereby.
44 For I am the LORD your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy: neither shall ye defile yourselves with any manner of creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
45 For I am the LORD that bringeth you up out of the land of Egypt, to be your God: ye shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.
46 This is the law of the beasts, and of the fowl, and of every living creature that moveth in the waters, and of every creature that creepeth upon the earth:
47 To make a difference between the unclean and the clean, and between the beast that may be eaten and the beast that may not be eaten.
Well, wonder no more. As long as ye know which beasts chew their cud, what their hooves look like, and such....
- #1: The Lord told Moses and Aaron...
- #2: To tell the Israelites which animals they should eat.
- #3: Animals with parted, cloven hooves are edible, as long as they chew their cud.
- #4: But don't eat ones that meet only some of the criteria, such as camels...
- #5: And coneys...
- #6: And hares...
- #7: And swine. (I betcha saw that one coming. C'mon, G., bacon tastes good, pork chops taste good!).
- #8: Don't eat 'em, and don't touch their carcasses, because "they are unclean to you."
- #9: You can eat any seafood that has fins and scales.
- #10: But all other sea animals "shall be an abomination unto you."
- #11: Did I mention that they're an abomination? Don't eat 'em or touch their carcasses.
- #12: Oh, and BTW, sea creatures without fins and scales are an abomination. Fancy that!
- #13: And certain winged birds are inedible abominations: "the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray...."
- #14: And the vulture and any kind of kite...
- #15: Every kind of raven...
- #16: The night owl, night hawk, cuckoo, and — come to think of it — all kinds of hawks...
- #17: And little owls, cormorants, great owls...
- #18: Swans, pelicans and gier eagles...
- #19: And storks, all kinds of herons, lapwings, and bats (note to Mr. Bible Writer Man: bats aren't birds).
- #20: "All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you." (What birds creep upon all fours? Well, whatever they are, puh!)
- #21: You can eat every flying creeping thing that goes on all fours, as long as their legs are above their feet. (Are we talking flying squirrels here? Sorry, Rocky.)
- #22: You can eat all kinds of locusts and bald locusts (what could be cleaner?), beetles, and grasshoppers. (Oh, that kind of flying, creeping thing.)
- #23: But four-footed flying creeping things are dis-gusting!
- #24: Anyone who touches the carcasses of flying, creeping, four-footed insects shall be unclean until evening. (Also, don't get wet, eat after midnight, or get exposed to direct sunlight).
- #25: If you do touch them, wash your clothes. And, if I didn't mention it, you'll be dirty until the evening.
- #26: If you touch animals that break the hoof/cud rules, you'll be unclean.
- #27: Four-legged animals that go on paws are unclean. (Good news, Fido Roverspot! I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.). Touch one of their carcasses, you'll be unclean until the evening.
- #28: Just so's you know, if you touch those carcasses, you should wash your clothes... but you'll still be unclean until the evening.
- #29: Don't eat other unclean creeping things: weasels, mice, and all kinds of tortoises.
- #30: And ferrets, chameleons, lizards, snails, and moles.
- #31: Don't touch them. And — guess what? — if you do, you'll be unclean until evening.
- #32: Wash anything on which dead, unclean beasts fall. But it shall be unclean until evening, even so.
- #33: If an unclean critter falls onto an earthenware vessel, the vessel is now unclean, so break it.
- #34: Any food or water served in such a dirty vessel is unclean.
- #35: Everything where any part of the carcass fell is unclean; whatever touches them, break it.
- #36: However, a fountain or pit with a lot of water will be clean, although wherever the carcasses touched is dirty. (Not sure how that works — you just avoid the water molecules that the dead bug touched ?)
- #37: If part of a carcass falls on a seed you're going to sow, it's clean...
- #38: But any water put on either that seed or on the carcass will be dirty.
- #39: If any animal of the sort you're allowed to eat up and dies, then people who touch its carcass will be dirty until evening.
- #40: If you eat such a beast, you are — quelle surprise! — to wash your clothes and be officially unclean until the evening. (Actually, this is a little different: the first reference to actually eating the unclean stuff. If you scarf down the Endless Shrimp® at Red Lobster or pig out on a Honeybaked Ham®, is that all that happens? No repercussions worse than for, say, brushing against a dead insect? And if you eat those trayf tasties in the evening, do you get a free pass or are you dirty until sundown tomorrow? I'll bet on the latter, but still the punishment doesn't sound enough to keep me from crustaceans and pulled pork).
- #41: Don't eat creeping things that creep upon the earth (as opposed to those that creep through the air?).
- #42: Creatures that travel on their belly or go upon all fours (Huh? Did we just put Hebrew National® out of business? Oh, wait, this must mean animals that crawl on all fours.) or has lots of feet, don't eat them. They're gross!
- #43: Don't become disgusting with any creeping thing that creeps or become disgusting with them, because then you'd be disgusting.
- #44: Because I am the Lord, make yourselves holy, because I am holy. Don't defile yourselves with with crawling insects (Well, there was this one time in the woods. A man gets lonely sometimes, and...)
- #45: I'm the guy that got you out of Egypt and into this fabulous wilderness, in order to be your deity. You should be holy because I am holy.
- #46: This is the food law re: animals, birds, water creatures, and creepers.
- #47: And, in case you hadn't noticed, this chapter tells you what's clean and edible and what's dirty and inedible.